I’m lucky enough to have a super kinky girlfriend, but there’s one problem: our kinks don’t particularly align. I’m really into having a finger in my ass, but my girlfriend’s not interested in my butthole; she loves having her toes sucked, but I’m not into feet. Is proposing a kinky trade reasonable? — R.B., Connecticut

Someone’s kink profile is as unique as their fingerprint. While it’s great to find another kinky person to get busy with, it can be frustrating when their kinks almost align with yours, but not quite.

Suggesting a sexual trade-off is totally fair, as long as it’s an equal one. What normally happens in a kinky relationship where the kinks are unbalanced is someone gets selfish and the other partner resents always having to perform a sexual act that doesn’t get them off.

It turns that act into a chore, and the resentment for that kink can build. However, if the kink is treated as a special treat, a kind and generous lover can appreciate giving their partner a special thrill, even if it’s not something they would normally do.

Since your partner has her own kinky needs that she would like met, however, trading favors totally makes sense.

This column doesn’t constitute medical or professional advice. Always consult a qualified health care professional for your medical, psychological, or relationship problems.