Last New Year’s Eve at a raucous house party, long after the ball dropped and people were hooking up, a female friend and I were still going strong — drinking, I mean.

We got to talking about the holiday, the weird resolutions people make, and that we were the only ones at the party who wouldn’t be getting laid that night. The fact that I wasn’t making a move on her was kind of crazy, considering she’s smoking hot and I’ll screw just about anything. Then she said that if the two of us are hanging out next New Year’s Eve, and neither of us is in a relationship, our resolution should be to screw each other. I agreed, of course. I’m not stupid.

Fast-forward to this year: We’ll both be at the same party. I’m single. She’s single. I want to fuck her but don’t really know how to play the situation. Do I remind her of our resolution? Do I play it cool and hope she remembers? Should I forget it ever happened and concentrate on other single women at the party?

Congrats on starting off 2013 like a giant dump in the diaper of Baby New Year. A woman said that she’ll bang you next year and you didn’t ask, “What’s wrong with this year?” She was testing you and you failed. If a woman will fuck you in the future, she’ll fuck you today. And you say you’re not stupid.

Since you can’t change the past, let’s work on the future. Have you ever met a woman? Talked to a woman? Dated a woman? I’m assuming you haven’t, since you wonder if she’ll remember what she said. Um, chicks remember everything. She remembers what she wore, the booze she chugged, the words she muttered, and even what you wore, what you said, and every other minor detail about that night. She remembers what she said, and the only thing she’s going to be wondering is why you’ve wasted 364 daily opportunities to get in her pants.

As for the party, an hour or so into the festivities, playfully say to her, “I remember what you said last year. If you play your cards right, I might consider it.” She’ll play dumb, so tell her that when the time is right you’ll refresh her memory. Remember to keep it light. If you say it matter-of-factly, you’ll come off creepier than that guy dressed as Baby New Year with mistletoe hanging above his dick. Spend the rest of the night trying to hook up with a different chick, because you don’t have any guarantee that she won’t either find someone else herself or play hard to get because you acted like such a dick last year.

As it gets close to midnight, be in her general vicinity, but not breathing down her neck. When kisses are handed out like condoms at a college wellness center, find her and plant a good one on her. You’ll know immediately if any other balls will be dropping that evening — like yours on her chin.