I just broke up with my boyfriend of three years. The sex was really amazing, but unfortunately the relationship wasn’t. I’m glad it’s over, but I’m afraid I’ll never have good sex ever again. Help! — A.M., Wyoming

Most relationships should end.

You have to go through several relationships before you know what’s really important to you in the long run. I wish great sex was all it takes to make a great relationship, but there’s more to it than that. As good as the sex can be, if the rest of your relationship isn’t working, you won’t be truly happy. In a lot of ways, it’s not how you feel about the other person, but how they make you feel about yourself.

As humans, we want to feel loved, supported and important to our partners — and we want great sex, too.

I promise that you’ll have good sex again! It’s really hard to think about being with someone new, especially after three years of monogamous intimacy, as sex does get better in a long-term relationship. Spending time with someone allows them to get to know your body and learn your triggers, which leads to deeper sexual satisfaction.

Unfortunately, this sort of thing won’t happen all at once, and it may not even happen soon. It’ll take time for you to find someone who both arouses you sexually and makes you feel safe emotionally, but you need to get out there and try some new lovers.

Here’s the thing. While there are a lot of people that are terrible in bed (from not reading my column, natch), most people aspire to be great lovers for their partners. Great sex is more about wanting to please the person you’re with than about actual technique.

And really great sex only happens when you can connect with your partner and allow yourself to feel vulnerable, which in turn gives your partner a safe place open up and be vulnerable themselves.

It may take a few lame lays before you find someone who you connect with on sexual and emotional levels, but you will find another person who sexually satisfies you, and hopefully he’ll be a better partner in other areas of your life, as well.

This column doesn’t constitute medical or professional advice. Always consult a qualified health care professional for your medical, psychological, or relationship problems.