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This month we present a six-step approach to one of your partner’s favorite things: foreplay.

Most guys will admit that a handjob while watching porn is all they need when it comes to foreplay, but there are other erotic moves — like mammary sex (titty-fucking), axillary sex (humping the armpit), and gluteal sex (rubbing between the butt cheeks) — that a woman can use to pleasure a penis without using her vagina. Men might be surprised to learn that foreplay can easily be the main sexual event.

1 — It’s in your kiss.
It’s likely to surprise no one that kissing is the part of foreplay that gets a woman’s juices flowing. For the perfect makeout kiss, lock lips and alternate between tongue-flicking and tongue-sucking as you press your body against hers and use your hands to caress her hair and neck. Since it takes her longer than you to get revved up, instead of diving between her legs, try giving her a foot massage. Odds are, she’ll spread her thighs for you, as the brain’s sensory area for the foot is right next to the sensory area for the clitoris.

2 — Nip it in the bud.
As her arousal level heightens, continue to tease her by paying attention to her breasts, which can lead to orgasmic foreplay. Having her breasts caressed and nipples sucked releases oxytocin, the bonding chemical that makes a woman feel like she’s in love. Lick each breast with the flat of your tongue in lapping motions all around to cover every inch. Follow your tongue with light fingertip caresses, leaving her nipples until last. When both breasts are suitably wet, cup your hand over one so that the tip of her nipple rests between your thumb and your index finger. Squeeze her nipple to raise it slightly, then lick it with the tip of your tongue in circular motions. After about a dozen or so licks, suck it gently but firmly, pulling your head up and down at the same time. Move onto the other breast and nipple, and then give equal attention to both. If she starts to climax, don’t stop or change what you’re doing. Let her push you away when she’s had enough.

Many men have sensitive nipples, and having them licked can be a big turn-on. For male stimulation, the directions are pretty much the same, except men generally are more interested in immediate nipple contact, with deeper sucking motions and less teasing. Some men also enjoy having their nipples nibbled on, which means, ladies, it’s up to you to find out how much pain or pleasure he wants. Some men have one nipple that is more sensitive, so while you suck on one, pinch the other and ask him which feels most erotic. You could introduce him to a nipple-gasm.

3 — Put the “play” in foreplay.
Try games like a naked pillow fight, tickle war, strip poker, or hide-the-honey (when your blindfolded lover has to find the honey on your body using only her tongue).

4 — Keep the playing field level.
Oral foreplay should be mutual, so get into the sixty-nine position with either you or her on top, or even sideways if it’s more comfortable. All that matters is that you’re both givers of oral pleasure. Ladies, use your hands as an extension of your mouth by caressing his testicles while sucking his shaft. Gentlemen, try inserting a finger to find her G spot while you lick her clitoris.

5 — Be safe out there.
For safer-sex foreplay, engage in mutual masturbation and watch each other get off. You also can masturbate each other or add sex toys, such as a vibrator for the clitoris, a dildo for the vagina, and a butt plug for the anus. Toys can ignite passion and pleasure for you both, and give you memorable visuals of your lover’s orgasms.

6 — Talk it out.
Dirty talk that compliments your lover and lets her know what you want works every time. Try telling her how sexy she is and that you want her right now. Ladies, tell him if he feels so good inside you that you want to scream. Use your lover’s name for added hotness.

Now that I’ve made the case for foreplay as the main event, let me point out that the Sex Academy Foreplay course and video have more ideas, from kissing and erotic breath to undressing, sexual touch, and aphrodisiacs, all of which will ignite your desire and satisfy your sexual appetite.

Dr. Ava Cadell is a world-renowned sexpert with a master’s degree in human behavior and a PhD in human sexuality. She is president of the American College of Sexologists International, the founder of Loveology University, a media therapist, a global speaker, and the author of nine books.