“It is so hard to move to a new guy when you are already having mind-blowing sex with another one. Good dick will imprison you.”

Lame Dick
I broke up with a long-term dude a year ago, and two months after that I began an affair with a married man. Since then, I have entertained a few dudes, all the while having mind-blowing sex with the married dude. Recently, I told the married dude that I found someone that I’m pretty interested in, and he has persistently tried to see me more. I do not want to start a new relationship with someone while in an affair. Do I cut ties with the married dude? What if the new guy gives lame dick?

It is so hard to move to a new guy when you are already having mind-blowing sex with another one. GOOD DICK WILL IMPRISON YOU. Maybe you can fuck him while still fucking the married dude? I don’t even believe in marriage so no judgments against you for fucking someone married. If you are both on the same page and you get your needs met, then why stop? My real advice is to find a really rich married guy to have mind-blowing sex with. Then you can get sex AND really great gifts and vacations. When you are screwing someone married you are doing them such a solid. Him fucking you is probably keeping his marriage working and happy. He’s probably nicer to his wife because of your pussy! So tell that fucker to get you some bomb-ass gifts and fly you first-class to Ibiza this summer. And give the single dude a shot. Ya never know!

Love Me Two Times
I have been dating my current girlfriend for three years now. She is amazing and independent (which I love). We connect on an incredible level. My friendship with my best friend, however, is even stronger and has grown into a unique relationship on its own. Although she lives hours away and is also in a relationship, we speak daily, discuss how much we want to be together, and say “I love you” frequently. We agree that our connection is a “soul mate” kind of understanding. Timing and distance have always been an issue. I could see myself marrying each of these women. Can you love two people at the same time? How do you decide which one is best for you, or do you focus on who you would be best for?

How the fuck are you in love with two women and I can’t find one dude to fall for!? Maybe you can marry both of them. Isn’t that legal… somewhere? Nevada? Seriously, I have a friend in New Jersey with like four wives that he lives with and they all get along great. It’s beautiful to see people breaking society’s norms when a lot of these norms are completely unrealistic. I think you should tell your current girlfriend your dilemma. Be honest with her. Maybe she will be down to share you. Good luck! I think it’s a great problem to have.

Blow Out
How long is a reasonable time to suck dick? My old friend with benefits would hold out for so long because apparently I was that good, but damn, that takes work! Once I blew him three times in one night for at least 30 minutes each time! I’m no quitter, and there was no way I was not gonna finish the job, but I get tired, and he never went down on me as much. (He was never able to make me come that way anyway.) So how long are you willing to suck dick for, and what’s the longest time a guy has gone down on you?

Damn girl, you are a soldier!! An hour and a half of dick-sucking is hurting my neck just typing it out. I feel you on the quitting shit. You sound like an amazing lover — and that guy was a lucky motherfucker. I think the longest I’ve gone down is like 20 minutes? Now I feel like a slacker. But I make the 20 minutes really count, I swear! As for a guy going down on me… I think maybe 30 minutes is the longest. After a while you just want to fuck. I think guys need to go down on you for way longer. Even if you aren’t gonna come, even if you’re getting bored, let them work! Keep being you.

All’s Fair
I’ve been with my girl for about a year and a half and it’s been great, but I fear it might be in danger. Before I got into this relationship I had an affair with a girl in a relationship. About two years later, I get a call from that girl explaining that she had gotten drunk the night before and confessed our affair to her boyfriend! As you can imagine, he didn’t take it so well… Besides all the drama that came with that, I’m concerned about my girlfriend. Even though the affair occurred two years ago when I was single, do I tell her? I feel like she should know. This isn’t something to take lightly, and I would be devastated if she were to find out from someone else.

Damn, you’re like the opposite of a sociopath. Kudos to you and your very sensitive conscience. But listen… this happened BEFORE you started dating your girl, so there is no reason to tell her. If that girl’s man comes and tries to fuck shit up for you now, that’s grounds for a bat to the windshield of his car and a serious beatdown. She shouldn’t know. It will only annoy her and make her judge you, most likely. Leave her out of the bullshit. Protect her. If I was in her shoes I wouldn’t want to know, but that’s just me. If she somehow finds out, just act like it’s nothing and keep it moving, because honestly, it really is nothing! You are good, money.

Stripper Whisperer
I am a full-time college student… and a stripper. I have a boyfriend, and he knows what I do to support myself. I know he feels really weird when I just wanna talk about work, but he can’t tell me what to do or how I should make my money! Sometimes I just wish people would understand that stripping is a job just like anything else. What can I tell him to make him understand?

DUMP HIS ASS. You need a real G. A dude who knows what’s up and isn’t weird and judgey. Not every guy is going to be able to be confident enough to handle shit like this. That’s why you need someone special. Our lives pretty much revolve around work, and no matter what the profession you need to be able to talk to your boo about your day (or night). I would love to hear what goes on at work for you. I want stripper gossip — I bet it’s juicy and fun. Keep getting that money and find a G. That’s my advice for you.

Need Advice? Email leah@penthouse.com