We take a look at the naughtiest adults-only Halloween parties across the country.

Where most adult Halloween parties fail is a lack of attention to debauchery. Don’t half-ass it as a sexy nurse — whole-ass it as a sexy naked nurse (just wear a stethoscope for authenticity). If we’re all going to die, best to live it the fuck up right now, yes? Penthouse has assembled a master list of adults-only Halloween parties that pay special attention to what the holiday has become: an excuse to get very sexy and hedonistic because we could all be dead tomorrow.

King Tut’s Tomb
October 29 — Egyptian Theatre, Hollywood, CA
Rated the No. 1 Halloween party in California every year by HalloweenLA.com, King Tut's Tomb is a nod to timeless upscale Tinseltown debauchery. You’ll be pyramiding in your pants from the moment you enter the classic Hollywood courtyard, immersing yourself in a world of scantily-clad Cleopatras and Egyptian goddesses.. If you need a breather, head out to the heated outdoor terrace where you can chill out with your friends under the stars. If there's a group of you, consider going VIP and investing in a Ra Package ($1850), as bottle service helps with those ancient clothing curses.

Halloween at UCSB
October 28 — until your parents are called
University of California at Santa Barbara, Isla Vista, CA
Imagine Mardi Gras but with tanned and toned coeds with good oral hygene. The beachside Isla Vista section of Santa Barbara pretty much shuts down for a series of street and private parties, parades, and debauchery that can only be explained by an 18-year-old’s first real access to alcohol and no parent around to tell her that what she’s wearing doesn’t quite cover her vagina. How big is this party? Well, Snoop Dogg played there recently. There is a very good chance that anyone over 25 will be pegged as a cop or a parent or a creep, so unless you can “21 Jump Street” it, go somewhere else.

A Nightmare on Van Ness
October 29 — The Regency Centre, San Francisco, CA
It's the biggest Halloween event in San Francisco with multiple levels and bars, sexy go-go dancers of all and indeterminate gender, a rotating roster of world-class house-music deejays, as well as state-of-the art light and sound production. A Nightmare on Van Ness is guaranteed to be a night you won't forget — unless you take advantage of the 4-hour “All You Can Drink” bar in the VIP mezzanine.

Fetish And Fantasy Ball
October 29 — Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas, NV
It always surprises me that people actually live in Las Vegas, rather than fly or drive there cheaply from the rest of the country, but this event is one favored by both locals (who somehow got the night off) and interstate revelers. I mean, Vegas is an unabashed destination of unabashed scanty dressing, so a fetish party in Sin City really invites people to be creative with their almost-nudity.

Heaven & Hell
October 29 — Moon and The View, Las Vegas, NV
Las Vegas needs to constantly up the ante if it can legitimately call itself Sin City, so — lucky for us — this beloved flesh pit 50 floors up is yet another reason why the Sodom of the Desert has plenty of job security. Yes, there are sexy costumes, hookers on the prowl, booze, leftover melon body spray from thousands of lap dances, and things you might regret later, but the biggest sell of this bash is that even while you're debasing yourself, you’re still looking down on everyone on the Strip.

Halloween, New Orleans-style
Halloween weekend — French Quarter, New Orleans, LA
Second only to Mardi Gras for public displays of scantily-clad ribaldry (which still places it at Number One in most parts of the country), the Big Easy’s LGBT Halloween party in the French Quarter is one of those definitely-not-for-kids events that still feels wholesome, even if around every corner lurks a clandestine blowjob amidst the feathers and glitter. Benefiting Lazarus House, a residence for people living with AIDS, the LGBT Halloween party is filthy fun for a good cause.

Exotica Ball
October 21 — Boulder Theater, Boulder, CO
Something about the mountain altitude, the Venetian costume theme, and the kink-friendly attendees make this masquerade stand out in a state that is not necessarily known for an Anything Goes mentality. But you have to have superior lung capacity to perform a bondage suspension above masked revelers, which is why this event has a decidedly decadent reputation as a destination debauch.

Halloween Erotica Ball w/ Lizzie Curious
October 29 — The Ritz, Houston, TX
There are tender, intimate Halloween parties in which you gently remove your new friend’s Pikachu outfit and blow a load on her triangular mouth, and then there’s a Dirty South-style hoedown in a 22,000-sq. ft. nightclub like Houston’s Ritz. Now we love the street party atmosphere of 6th Street in Austin (Texas’s Cool City), but something special happens in Republican strongholds around the corner from where the Bushes live: drunken, filthy abandon. You know what I mean. You kinda expect a party in nearby New Orleans or in Vegas to blow the roof off, sexually, but when a city known for a certain inhibition hosts a night like this, well, that’s the place to be.

MIAMI NICE YACHT PARTY
October 29 — South Beach, Miami, FL
You know how we deal with megayachts and superyachts in the High Life section of this magazine and you say, “Well, yes, but I could never afford one”? Well here’s your chance to party like a filthy sybarite without the cleanup costs afterward. The South Beach Lady sets sail for a decadent cruise around Miami with a ridiculous amount of flesh, booze, and pounding, oont-zy bass aboard. Yes, there’s a prize for Sexiest Costume, but we bet the 50th runner-up is going to look pretty goddamn good, too. It’s Miami.

HALLOWEEN AT WEBSTER HALL
October 29 — Greenwich Village, New York City, NY
To be fair, anyplace you go in New York City on Halloween Saturday is probably going to be a combination of grit and glitz from which you'll stagger away both tainted and exalted and short at least a quart of fluids. 5th-floor walkup Jacob’s Ladder-style apartment party? You bet. Cocaine-and-Cristal-fueled hoity-toity masquerade in a hotel penthouse? Sounds great. Get to the Adults-only Halloween At Webster Hall.

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