I’ve always wanted to have underwater sex, but it seems a little difficult.

Can you use a condom if you have sex in a pool or the ocean? And what about oral? Is it really possible to give head underwater? Please help! — D.D., Maryland

Having underwater sex is completely overrated and pretty much next to impossible with a non-fluid-bonded partner. Like a lot of things that look great or sound awesome, it doesn’t necessarily translate to real-life pleasure. Water is great for foreplay, though.

All that mostly naked skin, being able to covertly feel your partner up under the water without people really seeing what you are doing, sweet, sweet not-so-dry humping. It’s all very exciting. But once you get hot and bothered, jump out of the pool/hot tub/lake/ocean and bang on a towel, chaise lounge or beach blanket.

If you really want to have sex in the water, you can grab a few strokes, but only with a fluid-bonded, tested, monogamous partner. And you are still running a really high chance of messing up your internal pH balance and getting a yeast infection.

Like I said, the water is great for foreplay, but the actual act should only be done on dry land.

This column doesn’t constitute medical or professional advice. Always consult a qualified health care professional for your medical, psychological, or relationship problems.