Sarah and I hadn’t been dating that long. But when we stumbled across a pair of saddle shoes at the thrift store, I didn’t hesitate to blurt out, “God, please fucking get those.”

“These?” she asked, laughing. “They’re hideous.”

To her, perhaps — but they made my dick hard like nothing else.

The first chick I’d ever gotten hot and heavy with had worn saddle shoes to a Halloween party as part of her ’50s sock hop costume. I’m not ashamed to admit that I came all over them before our makeout session was over.

“I know. But I like them. A lot,” I told her, pushing up against her from behind, so she could feel my hard-on.

She released another laugh and observed, “Apparently, you do.”