I’m from suburban Ohio where typical teenage weekend activities include bonfires, smoking weed in the woods, and tipping over port-o-potties.

And when it comes to women, the pickings here are slim, with most of the girls being plain Janes with that Midwestern quintessence: corn-fed, pumpkin-spice-sipping basicness.  

But I’d be lying if I said it was all their fault that I didn’t get laid until I was 18. I had no game. I’ve always been awkward with girls, my conversational efforts resulting in an embarrassing stutter as I try to manage something as simple as my name.

Despite that, I did have one stroke of luck: My older sister Dani was a cheerleader on the local college team, and had this stupidly hot friend, Lizzy — blonde, toned, and with a megawatt smile that belonged slow-motion on a movie screen. Although they lived across town, my sister and Lizzy would sometimes crash at our parents’ house because it was so close to the college. I was still living at home and dying to move out.

I’d been fantasizing about Lizzy since the first time Dani brought her over for dinner. After watching Lizzy twist and toy her blonde hair in her fingers as she talked about her classes, I was smitten. She was so hot. It was her lips. They were permanently wet. She had a mouth you wanted around your cock.

Later that night, I went to use the shower, barging in, and there was Lizzy, taking a bath, nursing her sore muscles from cheerleading practice that day. Her tits floated just above the water like two glittering buoys.

Lizzy let out a shriek and I bolted, hooking my foot on her panties in my fast exit.

Once inside the safety of my room, I shook them off my toes and studied them: size small, light blue lace. I took a long whiff of her dank, fruity musk and licked — the first time I’d tasted a woman. I sat down and began rubbing one out while I held the panties intently against my nose. Then came a knock. 

It was my sister. I hid Lizzy’s panties in my nightstand and tucked away my very blue balls just as Dani walked in.

“What the fuck, dude? You just can’t go barging into a bathroom without knocking.”

“Yeah, sorry. I had no idea Lizzy was in there. I hope I didn’t embarrass her.”

“I’m going to the store for some booze,” she said, changing the subject. “Lizzy’s spending the night. Want anything?”

“Nah, I’ve got a paper due tomorrow.”

I watched as Dani’s car rolled out of the driveway and assumed I had the house to myself, all the better to rekindle my lost moment with Lizzy’s panties. I sat down and resumed stroking, only to be interrupted again — this time by Lizzy.

Shit! I thought she’d gone to the store with Dani.

“Geoffrey. Hi. What’s uh, going on here?”

There I was, hands down my pants, Lizzy’s blue panties resting on my nose, and Lizzy eyeing me like some hawk ready for the kill.

“Oh, hey Lizzy, I uh, was wondering why I had your panties in here?” I offered up lamely.

She walked toward me and I froze. How the fuck would I lie my way out of this insane situation? I waited for Lizzy to berate me like a dumb dog, but she just snatched her panties and laughed.

“Do you do this sort of thing on the regular? Steal girl’s panties?”

“Uh, no. This was just a mix-up and — ”

Lizzy sat down beside me, switching her tune from murderous vixen to seductive nurturer.

“You know, Geoffrey, if you want to learn your way around a woman, the first step is to get to know her,” she said as she pressed herself against me, rubbing my now limp dick through my pants. My entire body was on pins and needles and I hadn’t even touched her yet. 

Lizzy pushed me back onto my single bed and I lay there like some lifeless specimen ready to get examined. Her skin smelled of cocoa butter and it felt soft and warm.

Summoning the courage I’d lacked up to that point, I peeled off Lizzy’s robe and studied her perfect body. It was like a goddamn muse — was there any flaw? Her stomach was toned, with that hot V that signaled some serious gym time. I didn’t take long for my dick to turn purple with frustration. She was so fucking hot and I wanted more of her.

“You know,” she said, “girl on top is the fastest way to orgasm for most women.”

I looked up at her wide-eyed, my swollen dick throbbing for a cave to get lost in. Before I could mutter anything, Lizzy climbed on top me and began riding.

It was unlike anything I ever could have done with my hand — deep, warm, and slithering. I watched that smile of hers contort to a hedonist grin with each rock back and forth. I wondered if those moans were because of me? I hoped so. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I knew it felt fucking amazing.

Lizzy rode faster and faster, smacking my face with those golden tits the more intense her rocking got. Just as I was about to explode, her pussy clamped around my shaft, stopping my orgasm in its tracks.

Lizzy rode faster and faster, smacking my face with those golden tits.

I quickly pulled out of her tight snatch and flipped her onto all fours and went to town, my penis morphing into a jackhammer. Lizzy’s moans got louder the deeper and harder I went. I watched as a fleck of sweat trailed down her back and that was it, I couldn’t hold it anymore. Pulling out, I shot my considerable load all over her back and collapsed onto the bed.

Basking in the afterglow, I attempted to catch my breath.

“You alright there, comrade?” Lizzy asked.

“Yeah,” I said. Then offered sheepishly, “That was my first time.”

“What?!” she practically yelled.

Just then the front door slammed shut. Dani was home.

“Oh, shit!” Lizzy laughed, bolting out of my bed.

As she ran out the door, I looked down at her panties lying on the floor and did a victory dance in my head. Turns out my panty sleuthing got me on the fast track to finally getting laid.

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