She had that naughty look in her eye, sauntering into the bedroom in that way she had.

Her white thigh-high stockings hugging her legs, making his eyes travel further to the lace edges of her white panties, and the blurry triangle of her dark pussy hair. Time for bed or what? What! What? She walked toward him oddly, carefully, slowly.

Her upper teeth gently bit into her pouty lower lip. She gingerly padded onto the bed and, her boobs hanging and swaying, made her way to him on all fours as he lay there naked. She turned so that her big, rounded bottom loomed like a full moon in front of his face.

“You wanna get laid?” she asked, peeling the gauzy panty fabric down with her thumbs, unveiling the sumptuous ripe cheeks. She leaned forward a bit and slowly spread her legs, and he saw that her pussy was already glistening. “I’ve already gotten laid,” she said.

She was one crazy chick, but no, no, she couldn’t mean it! She backed into him, straddling his chest, nudging her butt cheeks upward, her thick, wet pussy lips in his face. Was she expecting him to eat her out after she fucked some other guy? What kind of a nightmare was this? She let out an evil laugh.

Something white started to emerge from in between her pussy folds. Her hole gaped a little wider, a little wider still, and the white object stared from within, like a blind eye. The white thing began to bulge out of her opening then, shining brightly, popped out. It dropped onto his chest and bounced off onto the sheets.

“What the fuck?”

He grabbed at the wet rubbery thing and discovered it was a hard-boiled egg.

She began to shake all over with laughter, overcome at her joke. Her eyes flashed from over her shoulder as she gauged his reaction. “Don’t tell me my joke laid an egg!” she cackled.

Whack!

He gave her a sharp smack across her bottom, pinkening her cheek. She squealed in response, “Ow! Stop! That’s not fair!”

Relieved it was just another one of her insane jokes, he gave her a few more butt-wobbling spanks — more as foreplay than punishment— and then held her cheeks and squeezed them. He pulled them apart, revealing her butthole and her yawning pussy.

“How’d you get from the kitchen to here with an egg up your snatch?”

“Practice, practice, practice,” she said. “Now, why don’t you eat me?

I used real mayo in there.”

“Well, I was kinda wondering why I had the sudden urge for a tuna salad sandwich.”

“Mmmm,” she closed her eyes and sighed as he began to lick her crack, then dart and dab his tongue along the sides of her clit. He began to twirl his tongue around and around, his mouth and his lips firmly clamped against her crotch. She whispered,”That tastes good, doesn’t it? Yes — Oh, right there — Ohhh! Stick the egg back in there. It would feel so good while you make me come!”

He found the still-slippery egg and pushed it gently in until her pussy swallowed it up and only a little sliver of white could be seen. He tamped at it with his tongue. She groaned, and suddenly the orb slipped out again. He pushed it back in and began a flurry of licks that made her gasp with delight. She came and came again, and the egg popped out as he drew his lips away from her sopping crack.

Silvery strands of goo shimmered and wobbled on his chin. At last the wet, viscous threads thinned and broke. His hard cock positioned itself against her warm, wet cunt folds and slid right in. She grabbed hold of his cock shaft and pushed her ass up to meet his thrusts. He shot his load into her within mere minutes then collapsed on top of her, his prong popping free and hanging against her soppy crotch.

“Oh, egg me on!”

“You want more?”

“You turned me on so much, baby, fucking me like that. I want more!”

“You’re nuts, girl!”

“What, hard-boiled egg and nuts? Your nuts — ” She reached out and felt his big ball sack. She turned over on her back and spread her legs. He pushed the egg into her, and kept it inside with his hand, just below her clit . She reached down and quickly dialed yet another orgasm, her legs hiking higher and higher into the air before falling limp back onto the bed.

The rubbery egg slipped into the palm of his hand, still intact. “What the fuck,” he said, peeling off the shell and biting it in half. He chewed and swallowed. “Pretty good. A little salty.”

“Well, of course it would be, with your come all over it.”

“Oh stop it. You’re making me sick.” With an expert toss, he chucked the rest of the egg across the bed and into the bedroom waste basket.

What did he expect from her? They met at one of those adult education classes. The subject was cooking, and he figured there would be few men and plenty of ladies. Indeed, while he labored with crepes and omelettes, his newfound love created desserts made with cheese, all the while suggesting she was one hell of a tart herself.

Their first sex together was a quick blowjob, except once she got him on his back, she somehow produced a greasy frankfurter and educated his anus in the ways of prostate arousal. She kept that thing inside him as she jerked his shaft and swirled her tongue over his cockhead, making him spatter a batter so thick and so hot she could hardly swallow it all.

Another time, she proved life could be a bowl of cherries; while she sucked him, turning him on to the point of no inhibition, she slipped six or seven cherries up his ass, teasing him with her tongue all the while. He was so excited he put her on her back and fucked her throat, making her gag as she strummed her clit. He flooded her mouth, and a moment later strange noises came out of his ass, as one by one the cherries dropped onto her tits.

He collapsed on top of her with laughter, and she became almost hysterical with tears dribbling down into her ears. She wiped away the wetness and finally, after catching their breath, they finished with a fuck, all their concentration focused on his meat stirring her pot. He had agile hips, and he really could screw her, rotating his rod as he plowed in and out. He liked topping her off, pulling out and decorating her pubes with clots of thick sperm.

They enjoyed all of the basics of lewd food foreplay, like a glass of hot tea and one of iced tea that could give him some amazing hot and cold sensations as she sucked him off. She liked fucking herself with a cucumber while he watched it disappear and reappear — until he came to her side and rained hot sperm all over it, which ended up lathering the weapon as she fucked herself to climax.

Sometimes foreplay, like a good dinner, required simmering, and it could take a long time to reach a boil. They’d bought some take-out burgers from a fast-food joint. He whispered, “Over here,” and they walked to a deserted area of the mall, where a DVD rental store and a bookstore had gone out of business. “Pull up your skirt,” he said. She was instantly excited by the naughtiness of it and did as she was told. She held her skirt up with both hands, and he yanked her panties down. He took out a wrapped double cheeseburger and placed it inside her panty crotch. Then he hoisted her panties up tight, giving her a wedgie.

“We’ll do a little more shopping,” he said, “and then if you’re a good girl, I’ll take you home and fuck you.”

She was so erotically aware of herself that she was wet within seconds. Every step she took, as she minced around the shopping mall, pushed the meat against her pussy. She wondered if people knew that the burger aroma in the air was coming from her. By the time they got home, she was growling for raw sex, hard and hot.

Most any other couple would have gotten very thin from all of this fast-food fucking, but these two seemed to gain weight, especially her, from all the oral sex with many flavors. He didn’t mind. He liked her plump. It was just more flesh to grab onto and knead and squeeze, those big, ripe tits and that full, fuckable butt. The crazy fantasies and food sex continued, often night after night. He knew that she secretly wanted a real orgy, a tasty evening where she could gorge herself with plenty of men and tons of come. But, truth be told, he wanted her all to himself.

That night as they cuddled in bed, he said, “You’d really like a cock in your pussy and a cock in your ass at the same time.” He nibbled her buttered ear. He often liked to smear a bit of butter there. “Yes,” she said, warming up to his dirty talk. “A cock in my pussy and my ass and my mouth, too! And lots and lots of come!”

He padded through the dark bedroom and into the kitchen. She could hear a humming noise, like the microwave, but then it stopped. She blinked, seeing only little swirling particles of dust that danced in the darkness.

Back in bed, he began to go down on her, and she felt something prodding into her ass crack at the same time. She enjoyed the sensations and spread her legs wider. Her anus was relaxed and ready to be invaded. She felt the penetration; it wasn’t as bony as a finger. No, it was more rubbery. “It’s — it’s one of those super-size frankfurters!”

“You have such a tasteful asshole,” he said. “Now you keep that meat in there.” He pushed it all the way in. She loved the sensation of having a cock up her ass and his tongue on her clit. He teased her and withdrew.

“Now, fuck yourself,” he told her. In the darkness he held her hand and pushed a half-peeled banana into her palm. She began to work it up against her gooey pussy hole more and more until it began to slide in. “You just keep that cock up your pussy and the one up your ass while you taste my cock filling up your mouth! Imagine that you’re getting it in your mouth and in your pussy and in your ass. Guys are jerking off watching you, and they’re ready to come all over your face!”

He straddled her ample chest and dumped his half-hard cock into her open mouth. She slurped, worked her tongue on it, and began sucking it in deeper and deeper as it got harder and harder. He began to fuck her mouth.

She kept her lips firmly on the cock that was fucking her. It was so dark in the room she could easily imagine that some strange dick was in her mouth and that two strangers had their cocks lodged in her ass and pussy.

As she slowly slid the banana in and out of her hungry snatch, she imagined she was guiding some guy’s dick into her. She wanted to cry out, tell the world what a dirty girl she was, but she couldn’t with that dick plugging her piehole, fucking her so hard that drool was coursing down her neck.

“You like being fucked by three guys at once,” he said. She managed to nod her head and gurgle.

“How about all these guys watching you and jerking off? Their cocks are all hard, and their balls are full of come and they want to spit their loads all over your face!”

He had a squeeze bottle loaded up with some heavy cream mixed with condensed milk and had microwaved it just enough to heat it up. He squeezed the bottle and a soggy rope of white wetness lurched in a snotty stream and glued itself against her closed right eye. Another load spattered her cheek. The squeeze bottle made obscene noises as he squeezed out more white gobs onto her sweaty forehead. The stuff trickled into her hair.

He fucked her face, his hips rocking in rhythm, and she matched it with her own frantic pumping fist as it clenched the banana between her legs, forcing it in and out. She writhed with the hot dog wedged up her ass, clogging the passage completely. She’d never felt so full — so fucked.

She hummed around the cock in her mouth and gasped each time another load of hot goo pelted her face and began to drip off her skin in trickling, tickling streams.

He pulled his cock out for a moment.

“Ready for the real thing?”

“Oh yes yes yes! In my mouth! In my mouth, please!”

He gushed load after load over her lips and down her throat. He filled her mouth to the brim, salty come dribbling on her lips as she swallowed it down. He leaned back and splattered his last jets of fuck-fuel onto her face until she was totally slimed. That’s when she used one hand to finger her clit and the other to jam the banana-cock deep inside, leaving it there until finally she shrieked in aching ecstasy and climaxed one last time.

At last, her tired, limp hand loosened its grip, and the banana dropped from between her legs. She groaned in embarrassment and submission as that big brown thing that was up her ass slid out of her anus. She tried to wipe some of the creamy come away from her eyes and mouth.

“Whew! That was really crazy,” she said at last. “Maybe we should see a doctor?”

“What? A shrink? Couples have fantasies and roleplay and stuff, and much kinkier than what we do.”

“No, not that kind of a doctor,” she replied. “A nutritionist. I think we’re both putting on too much weight.”

“We just need to fuck even more. More exercise.”

He went into the kitchen and came back with some custard, yellowy and thick and gooey. He started to spoon it on top of her tits.

“No, no. I’m exhausted. Don’t turn me on again. It’s bad, it’s bad.”

“Look,” he said, showing her the label. “Low fat!”

“Ohhh,” she said, as he began to lick the bright pink nipple stick up from the gooey mess. “That’s good, that’s good — “