A BBC Watchdog investigation blew the tits off most iced-coffee fanatics by revealing that experts found feces in the ice of three of the country’s most popular chains: Costa Coffee, Cafe Nero, and Starbucks.

Researchers swabbed tables, trays, and high chairs in 30 different locations, and ran tests on the ice used in cold beverages. While everything came back poo-positive, the real tragedy is that they missed the opportunity to coin the term poositive.

Experts also found “fecal coliforms” (bacteria that contains something called “opportunistic pathogens,” or the source of human disease), which is extra scary because even the most microscopic traces are a massive health concern. A representative of the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health said this type of bacteria “should not be present at any level — never mind the significant numbers found.”

Things aren’t much better on this side of the pond.

A few years ago, CNN reported a study conducted by Renee Godard, professor of biology and environment studies at Hollins University of Virginia, that tested soda fountain machines in her state. The study, which was eventually published in the International Journal of Food Microbiology (you know, where everyone will read it), revealed that 48 percent of diet soda, regular soda, water, and ice tested positive for coliform bacteria. She also found antibiotic-resistant microbes and E.coli in

11 percent of the samples. Fabulous.

“Many [bacteria] are benign or helpful, but certainly, I don’t want E.coli in my beverage,” Godard told CNN. No shit, Renee. No one digs synchronic diarrhea and vomiting.

But the research fails to detail how those germs got into our fast-food fountain soda in the first place. Cleaning the machines with dirty rags? Not washing after an employee bathroom break? Terrorists? Who the hell knows. Bottom line is that any drink that uses communal ice will most likely be laced with feces.

You’ve been warned.

Photo: Shutterstock.com / Y Photo Studio