“If you found a woman you want to commit to, that’s beautiful. As for your penis, I think it’s a mental thing.”

All Eyez on Me
I got a baby on the way, my new job doesn’t pay shit, I’m a month late on rent, and my stress is through the roof. I don’t know what to do, Leah. I feel like going back to selling drugs.

Would it be fucked if I said go back to selling drugs? I guess it really depends what drugs you’re selling. I think selling anything besides weed is really bad karma. Plus, you don’t wanna catch a bid and leave your girl and baby to fend for themselves. Then shit will really be fucked. Does your wife/girlfriend work? Double income is very important these days. I know the stress of having a kid on the way and bills, etc. It is really stressful. But at the end of the day you just gotta pray for a healthy baby because that’s really all that matters. You will find a way to pay bills. You will be okay. Hang in there.

Once Bitten
Leah, I’m a 27-year-old male of average physical appearance with no problems finding women in the past. But ever since my last relationship ended two years ago, it’s like I’m a different person. Zero actual major changes to my appearance, personality, or finances, yet I can’t explain this immense drought. Any advice?

Ooof. Did your last relationship end because of a betrayal on her part? Because that would make a lot of sense. Women could be sensing fear from you. My sponsor in AA always tells me, “You cannot seek that which you are not.” So maybe you are just not ready yet. Sometimes droughts can be a blessing. They give us time to be alone with ourselves (which is personally my worst nightmare). A two-year drought is a long time, though. I think you should get back out there. Get on some dating apps. See a matchmaker. And also maybe go to a therapist and discuss what happened in your last relationship. I have a feeling your past is haunting you and affecting your present. You gotta go work through that. Good luck, boo!

Fit to be Tied
Leah, I must say you’re a beautiful, badass boss lady. Is it weird that I get turned-on by watching other guys getting tied up by girls? There’s something about female dominance that turns me on.

I don’t think it’s weird at all. So many men want to be tied up, peed on, shit on, and have their balls stepped on by women. And they pay for it, too! Many men in power want to be emasculated in the bedroom. They want the woman to be the boss because they have to be the boss at all other times. Makes sense, right? I own my own company and am pretty much the boss of my life. I like to seduce, but I also like when a man takes control in the bedroom. I need that. I think that you getting off on watching men being tied up by women is totally normal. I also think you should take the plunge and go see a dominatrix. And then write back and tell me how it was! Have fun!

Ice Fishing
She won’t take it from the back. Not a problem if it wasn’t my favorite position. Also, it would be cool if I could get head. No and no! What do I do?

Wait, so she doesn’t want it from the back and she doesn’t give head either? Did she say why? How much do you like this girl? Because this sounds like total torture and no fun. I mean, if you want to invest time then you need to get her to open up. Maybe she needs to feel more comfortable with you. I personally could never date anyone that didn’t give oral. But the sex-position thing makes sense. It’s not the most intimate of positions. It’s hot, yeah, but you can’t even see each other and it’s very porno-style. Nothing against doggie, I like it, but there’s a time and place for it. I would just have an honest conversation with her about why she’s not into either thing. Maybe it’s something you can work on with her. If she’s not open to hearing your needs and not willing to work with you then I would say it’s a fuckin’ wrap!

Mr. Softee
I’m dating a girl I really like. I’m usually a man-whore, but this girl is different. She makes me want to commit and be in a relationship. The issue is, sometimes I can’t get it up with her. This has never happened to me before. Ever. What is happening!? Help!

Ah, my friend, this is classic. You are feeling love! It’s the scariest shit. And it can fuck with us in all sorts of ways. For me, it starts with debilitating anxiety and vertigo. For you, it’s affecting your penis. But don’t worry. You just need to let go of your fear and enjoy it. If you found a woman you want to commit to, that’s beautiful. As for your penis, you could talk to a doctor, but I think it’s a mental thing. Sometimes it’s easier for a man who’s used to meaningless no-strings-attached sex to get it up during casual flings rather then with the woman he loves. It’s kind of like the Madonna-whore complex. But this woman deserves your dick rock-hard! So handle that shit!

Need Advice? Email leah@penthouse.com