Last Christmas my friend Adrian wanted me to play Santa at a swingers’ party in a private club.

I’m not married or anything, but I wasn’t crazy about having swingers sit on my lap, so I told him to forget it. He called me a Scrooge. But he never found anyone to play the role, so when the big night rolled around, he called and begged me to be their Santa. “I’ll do it for a C note,” I said, and we had a deal.

So I played Santa, and it wasn’t so bad. I sat on this brass chair called Santa’s Throne, and I had to hand out tequila candy canes and adult surprise gifts like dildos, vibrators, and sex gels. There was this blonde named Sydney who played my elf. She wore a hot green miniskirt, a tight midriff-baring top, and a green cap. The whole time the members were... Read More