Unless you’re on the inside of the S&M community, it’s easy to assume that the dominant is always in control.

Beyond what Hollywood or certain horribly written books portray of our community, it’s true that we submissives are capable of putting on that good, uninhibited show of being completely overpowered. We would be remiss if we didn’t!

And yet, besides the “safe, sane, and consensual” part of any healthy BDSM affair, at the end of the day it’s the guy getting spanked, or the girl who gets tied up, or what have you — they are the ones who are controlling the fun. To surrender is to gain ultimate control, but I didn’t believe it, nor did I even begin to understand this concept until I properly lived it.

Once upon a time in college, I... Read More