Jason Derulo is a musical genius. Like, for realsies.

And while I’m at it, so is Jon Bellion. Straight motherfucking geniuses.

My adventure starts out normal enough: February 2017 Pet of the Month Uma Jolie glides into my office and gives me a warm hello. Then she learns she’s the real live human laboratory Pet who will be helping me test out the remote controlled, sound-activated OhMiBod Club Vibe panty wiggler. In public. She smiles, but her face is painted with disenchantment and a pinch of what-the-fuck-did-I-just-get-myself-into.

We unpack the vibe together. Remote control, USB cable, instruction manual, the buzzy pleasure-egg thingy, and a one-size-fits-all thong that looks gigantic. Thankfully, looks can be deceiving, and the panty-with-a-pleasure-pocket fits her just fine (or so... Read More